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By Mamie Gonzalez
location
San Diego, CA
relationship
Niece
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signed 25 Mar 2009 by Mamie Gonzalez |
email author
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For our family you held so many important roles. While you were the favorite and dearest Uncle to my husband and I and our daughters, you sometimes also became a father figure (given that my husband and I lost our fathers early in our lives), a grandfather given that our daughters never had a chance to know theirs, a friend, and the great entertainer.
Oh how we cried, and oh how we laughed. Sometimes together, and sometimes apart. And, today, that remains the same. Right now, I just want to write, unedited, so my apologies if I go on a bit too much. You had told me so many times, “When I go, I don’t want people to be sad.” So, for probably the first time in my life, I’m not listening to your request. And, will ramble on a bit, unedited.
So what did we have in common and why exactly were we in each others’ lives? Here are a few commonalities I can think of right now:
1) Good looks--for some of my family, it was the good looks that were common. You always talked about how beautiful the “sisters” were, meaning Auntie Lota, Aunt Jeanette, and my mom, Elaine. You, of course, were the strong, tall, handsome Paul Bunyon type—surrounded by strong women, with your own strong profile, pony tail, and usually your mustache.
2) Bold personalities--strong opinions fit most of us too. Oh, how you loved to start an argument with me or my daughters about politics, the environment, the economy, and family matters. My husband would keep the peace (or just laugh so much at how worked up we’d get). It was more than once, that I was a defender and ultimately a referee, blowing the whistle to stop the topic. Laughing at your desire to just exaggerate your point a bit more. “No Politics!” became our mantra (what we would chant) from the minute you walked in the door to our home or sat at a dinner table to eat with us. And, I still remember how amazed we both were when we found out we (you, Ricardo, a couple of our daughters and I) all liked qualities of Hillary Clinton. Shocker! I always thought you liked her looks, because her face is a bit like Auntie’s, as well as her hair color. But you insisted it was her strengths.
3) Most importantly, we had in common a love for our Auntie Lota (Charlotte), your daughters and their families, my family, and especially our Godchildren.
You teased me so much because I would put “mushy” stuff in cards I would give to you and Auntie. You would show them to Auntie and say “Charlotte, I think they love me.” You knew how we felt, always. And, you always thanked us for inviting you into our home, sharing with you and your family, and celebrating so many holidays, birthdays and other milestones together.
4) Brains—you always asked me, “How come you’re so smart?” to which I always replied, “I’m not, but I keep learning. Sometimes I get it right.” And, you admired the “SMARTS” of all of our children, Sabrina for her helpful nature and strong work ethic, Amanda, the first to graduate from college and her demonstrated love to be around family, and your Godchild, Jackie, for her adventurous nature (going to college in the Midwest), political and personal activism, and her being able to take all you could dish out—in a loving, respectful manner.
My husband expressed that your leaving us has broken his heart. And, we are all at a loss. But the alternative, not having you in our lives would have been so much worse. So, in this case, that old saying, “Suffering is Good” is true.
You and your family have asked for your memorial to be a celebration of life. And, we will try to honor that and respect that. We celebrate the outrageous jokes (that you would struggle to clean up before telling me), your sometimes off-color remarks, your genuine appreciation for family and friends in your life, all the pinching, pulling and tugging of our ears, nose, hair, and cheeks. (Look up! What’s that? And the bunny ears you’d put behind us in photos.) We were fortunate to have spent another day with you shortly before your passing, so you live on vividly. But, even if we hadn’t been around you for a while, your persona was HUGE, the type that lives on forever, and we will try to make you proud as we celebrate the gift of having you in our lives.
Con mucho, mucho carino Tio.
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